Walking nonchalantly on a snow patch, I slip and quickly self-arrest. I turn around and look at the long snowy slope below me. The angle is gentle so I decide to glissade like I’ve done so many times before. I don’t feel the conditions however, so I dig my ice axe deeper in the snow to brake. Then I get knocked off balance and hear someone yell: “Louis!” Or maybe I heard the yell first?
Somehow, my ice axe is no longer in the snow and I’m now accelerating down the snow slope on my back, head first. I’m stunned, but I’m in a bad position and I know I don’t have two shots at self-arrest. I drive the pick of my ice axe as hard as I can into the soft snow, but it doesn’t bite enough. All it does is turn me onto my stomach and change my trajectory.
It’s all happening fast and I try everything I can to stop, but nothing works. It’s too late. I have the best seat in the house to see the rocks I’ll crash into. I know very well what this is: it’s a fucking disaster. Then everything goes black.
Before every overnighter, my partner Marta asks me if the route will be dangerous. I tell her not to worry. Whether I leave for one day or one week, I always write to her at night. I usually don’t have coverage so she only gets the message later, but it’s fun.
I tell her about my day, ask about hers, tell her I love her, and promise her I’ll be careful and everything will be alright. July 12, 2019 was no different. At 10:54 P.M., I sent her a message just like on countless other cold dark nights. But this time, something different had happened: I broke my promise.
My eyelids are heavy and my sight struggles to focus. I’m alone on the ridge, lying on rocks and dirt. I’m not sure where I am, I don’t know how I got there, and I have no idea how I managed to stop. I try to look around, but my body ignores my orders. I feel extremely weak and have trouble breathing.
It’s cloudy and I feel the light rain on my nose and right cheek. It’s starting to seem like a bad dream. I try to pinch myself but again, I can’t move. I realize my face is battered when I notice my bleeding, lacerated lip. As I stare at the blood dripping from my mouth into an expanding red puddle on the sleeve of my light blue rain jacket, I realize this is all too real.